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So while not thinking of race as a 'thing' (its all genes, and ethnicity is a matter of choice and self identification), I also felt a strong attraction to people very genetically different to myself, and generally speaking, I still do. But I know what you are saying and I feel it. Also growing up in a small white town I often wondered whether my ancestry crosses over a few times, that helped.
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I think I fell hook, line, sinker for the whole 'fear of inbreeding' thing. TBH I also felt getting with white people seemed incestuous, and incest is something I don't dig. but y’all need to recognize that no one is exempt from internalized subconscious racism because no one is perfect. maybe it is internalized subconscious racism. it’s about learning the ways in which you are biased and finding out why you feel that way so that you can be respectful and pleasant to as many people as possible. it’s not about eliminating your own racial biases because that’s impossible for anyone to be completely fair and unbiased to everyone. I think that it is important to recognize that no matter who you are or where you have come from, we all have certain racial and ethnic biases. To the people who are trying to trash talk op or whatever church left some obvious scars and now i prefer to date literally anyone but a korean guy. i personally find it really hard to be attracted to other koreans because most of the korean boys that i knew while growing up i knew through going to church with my family. I’m a gay korean dude who grew up living in the US and surrounded by whites, other asians, and latinxs when i was growing up. I think you should explore that more as you continue dating - no matter who you may end up with. Clearly you've been honest with yourself about your upbringing and its impact in this regard. Not to suggest that your preferences or thoughts are wrong - but I have never heard of white people or people of other races having similar thoughts about incestuousness when dating or having sex with their own race. Unlike you, I grew up in a diverse area and I was not the only black kid at my school or college. I'd love to explore more with other races but I often end up feeling either objectified or misunderstood. This wouldn't always be the case in an interracial relationship but I would guess it's pretty common. Honestly I haven't dated a whole lot in my life, but I also have this idea that I don't want to be disconnected from my partner or always feeling like I have to be in the position to explain myself (my "blackness"). I'm not opposed to dating white guys or people outside of my race. I actually feel like it's more familiar and engaging because I can (usually) relate so much better in a cultural sense. It's been interesting to read that some black or mixed race people see this attraction to the same race as "incestuous" to some degree. I'm black and I've only dated black guys. I have a different perspective than the replies I've read so far. *i recently read an article where a woman of color described similar feelings from her experience growing up as the only POC and I’m just wondering how common this is Has anyone else on here had a similar experience?ĭoes anyone else on here have similar feelings? On another note, I’m perfectly fine having sex with other POC though (I’ve found that I tend to have immediate attractions to Indian and Middle Eastern men), it’s just sex with other black men feels incestuous. Additionally, the overwhelming majority of the POC I grew up with (both men and women) are with someone of another ethnicity. The other 3/4 are with other ethnicities (Latino, Asian, etc). I have a feeling it might be similar for my siblings and cousins too because only 1/4 of us are with other black people and my own partner is white. It may even lead me to having intrusive thoughts of other family members and that’s a total turn off. I’m actively working to unlearn that but dating and sex with other black men ends up feeling like incest to me and I feel like I’m doing something wrong/taboo. Even now, when I see other black men, I feel a familial feeling/kinship rather than sexual.
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Has anyone else had this experience/feel this way?Īs a black guy who grew up in a predominantly white small town (only black kid in my grade for the large majority of my schooling in addition to my siblings and cousins being the only black kids in their grades), the only other black people I really knew were family up until college.